The Importance of Being Earnest

by Oscar Wilde

First Act

First Part

Scene. Morning-room in Algernon's flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is
luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard in
the adjoining room.

(Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has
ceased, Algernon enters.)
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Algernon. Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?

Lane. I didn't think it polite to listen, sir.

Algernon. I'm sorry for that, for your sake. I don't play
accurately--anyone can play accurately--but I play with wonderful
expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep
science for life.

Lane. Yes, sir.

Algernon. And, speaking of the science of life, have you got the cucumber
sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell?

Lane. Yes, sir. (Hands them on a salver.)

Algernon. (Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa.) Oh! ... by
the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, when Lord
Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne
are entered as having been consumed.

Lane. Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint.

Algernon. Why is it that at a bachelor's establishment the servants
invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information.

Lane. I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often
observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate
brand.

Algernon. Good Heavens! Is marriage so demoralizing as that?

Lane. I believe it is a very unpleasant state, sir. I have had very little
experience of it myself up to the present. I have only been married once.
That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young
person.

Algernon. (Languidly.) I don't know that I am much interested in your
family life, Lane.

Lane. No, sir; it is not a very interesting subject. I never think of it
myself.

Algernon. Very natural, I am sure. That will do, Lane, thank you.

Lane. Thank you, sir. (Lane goes out.)

Algernon. Lane's views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Really, if the lower
orders don't set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them? They
seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility.

(Enter Lane.)

Lane. Mr. Ernest Worthing.

   * Next: Act I, Part 2

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The Scenes of the Play

   * Act I: Algernon Moncrieff's Flat in Half-Moon Street, W.
        o Part 2
        o Part 3
        o Part 4
        o Part 5
        o Part 6
        o Part 7
   * Act II: The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.
   * Act III: Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton

Transcription and organization by Jerry Stratton, for FireBlade
Coffeehouse.
Jerry Stratton
jerry@acusd.edu
If you have any comments or questions, please let us know!
